Praise Your Child No Matter What?

The Idea of Constant Praise 

We have long passed the motto of 'suck it up' into an age where everyone gets an award. As parents we are told to praise their every actions, even their fails, as a success. To turn everything into a praise worthy, 'you are awesome' moment. It is often termed as the Power of Praise. Even sport competitions have gotten on the band wagon with everyone getting a trophy, no matter how much effort was actually put into it.


Why Parents do it

As parents, we do this because we love our kids and don't want their feeling hurt. It is heart breaking to see a child cross their arms looking down with teary eyes thinking that they just aren't any good. We worry about their self-esteem; that this could somehow impair their future success. We want to do something! So at a first glance this constant praise and every body wins mentality just seems like such a great idea to help shape a generation of loving, confident citizens.

So, is it actually working? Are our kids better off by smothering them with praise with their every action?



What Psychologist & Researchers Say:



The Bad

In a study presented by the AAAS found that high self-esteem doesn't produce higher grades. However, when a child got good grades it did slightly boost a child's self-esteem. It also found that having high self-assurance doesn't help prevent drinking and smoking but increase the chances. Researchers suggest that instead of focusing on self-esteem to help raise grades, that an emphasis on improving self-control or other methods need to be applied.

Another study has found that undeserved praise can increase anxiety in students over whether someone might find out that it was in fact undeserved. On the opposite side, they have also found that if the student internalize the praise they then tend see no room for improvement there for decreases the amount of effort a student puts into their work.

Student who also predicted that they would do perform better on tests were more likely to feel depressed if they didn't meet their expectations.

Donald Forsyth, at Virginia Commonwealth University, found that students who regularly received self-esteem boosting praise got worse test scores on their finals than those who were told to study harder. 

Robert Hogan, wrote in the Harvard Business Review, that it wasn't high self-esteem that made a good leaders, it was humility.

Self esteem doesn't have a strong link with success, studies show the groups with a constant high level of self-esteem are prison inmates.


The Good


Students with high morale are more likely to bounce back faster from negative life events.

Women and girls are less likely to suffer from an eating disorder.






What should we be doing instead

The goal should be to aim for a medium level of self-esteem.

Concentrate on self control and self-discipline

Studies have shown that short bouts of exercise helped increase high brain functions including self-control.

Researches found that self control makes the difference between someone being successful or going to prison.

According to a NPR report, "The children who struggled with self-control as preschoolers were three times as likely to have problems as young adults. They were more prone to have a criminal record; more likely to be poor or have financial problems; and they were more likely to be single parents." While this study didn't prove that having high self control can prevent this, it did find a high correlation.








Resources/Recommended Reading:


The Effects of Praise on Children's Intrinsic Motivation: A Review and Synthesis

ScienceCentral.com: Feeling Good and Grades

Undeserved Compliments May Harm Kid's Self-Esteem

The Lowdown on High Self-Esteem

Short Bouts of Exercise Boost Self-Esteem

For Kids. Self-Control Factors Into Future Success

Do's & Don'ts of Early Language Development

So what really works to help boost language development? The do's and don't might surprise you.

• Avoid trying to expose language through TV (especially cartoons) or audio. Yes, this includes Baby Einstein and other similar 'learning programs'. Children learn language through watching lips move in live interactions. So when it comes to language development your kids would get more out of watching the news than any cartoon. 

• Independent studies show that programs such as Your Baby Can Read and other educational DVD's and flash cards don't actually work. Even when a baby seems to 'know' a word it is actually done through memorization and not by understanding that the individual letters make up a sound and that when placed together form a word.

• Don't use overly simplified phrases (telegraph speak aka telegraphic speech) such as. "Baby ball? You ball" instead of 'Do you want the ball?'

Do:

• Talk to the child's doctor. Bring up your concerns on the next appointment. He will help steer you in the right direction and refer you to a specialist if necessary.

• Have your child take the necessary hearing tests. This first one should have been taken before the baby left the hospital and the next at 4 years old (if your 4-year-old doesn't cooperate, don't worry it happens a lot and the tests are redone at 5 and 6 years old).

• Read to your child regularly.

• Exposure to language should be live and in person.

• Narrate what your child is doing. Instead of trying to direct you child's attention try naming what your child is already looking at or playing with. Providing a type of running commentary of what your child is doing will help your child make the connection between what she is doing with words.

• Use baby talk, also called 'motherese', when talking to your baby. It will help him/her pay attention and learn which words and phrases in particular are important.

Resources and Recommendations:

Speech and Language Development Milestones (has a checklist for language development in children)

Language-Building Tips for Parents 

Early Language Development FAQ

Fact or Fiction? The Top 10 Assumptions About Early Speech and Language Development

Can Sleep Be the Answer to Parenting Problems?

Many parent eventually reaches a point where they feel they need help. At this point many start with parenting websites and books. But new studies suggest a simple quick fix has again and again solved or greatly improved behavioral and school problems. And that simple fix is: sleep.

I can tell you first hand how much it actually will improve your life. My oldest had always been a difficult sleeper, but after sticking to a strict sleeping schedule I saw major improvements with in a couple of weeks. If you have a strong-willed child this is easier said than done but I promise that if you persist it will be worth it!

My first-born had always been difficult with an over all stubborn personality and had a very bad case of colic to boot. I was never really able to get her on a stable sleep schedule which in turn led to many sleepless nights for myself as well. Eventually her tantrums became a daily occurrence which only got worse once she started full-time kindergarten. She was having a hard time with her school work, homework became a daily battle, and she developed a hair-trigger temper.

Once I was able to get her to sleep (lights out for everyone was the only thing that ended up working) an additional 1 1/2 hours a day to a total sleep time of 12 1/2 hours. In a week all of her bad behavior lessened considerably. In two weeks we were able to get through homework easily and get her back up to grade level quickly. After two months most of the tantrums and issues were gone. Even I have seen improvement in myself with the additional sleep I've been getting.

Here's what the experts have to say:

Research of how much sleep children should get -

There is no magic number for how much sleep is needed since sleep requirements are individual. But here are the general recommended amount.

Newborns: 15-16 hours
1-12 months: 14-15 hours
1-3 years old: 12-14 hours
3-6 years old: 10-12 hours
7-12 years old: 10-11 hours
12-18 years old: 8-9 hours
19+ years old: 7-9 hours

 

What studies show could be the consequences of not getting enough sleep:

• inhibit productivity
• difficulty paying attention
• reduce the ability to remember information
• Greater chances of being involved in a car crash
• Higher BMI due to increase appetite
• Health problems such as diabetes, heart problems
• Increase or worsen psychiatric conditions including depression and substance abuse
• Worsen ADHD symptoms
• Sleep deprivation can sometimes be mistaken with ADHD
• While adults become sluggish when sleep deprived, children speed up

What can improve when you get enough sleep

• Lessen ADHD Symptoms, one study found that symptoms were eliminated in some children
• Improves your brain power
• Clearer thinking
• Helps keep your heart healthy
• Reduces stress
• More alert
• Boost memory
• Helps protein molecules make repairs in your body

Studies between children that get enough sleep vs those that don't

In 2006, one study observed that children 6-15 years old with sleep problems were more likely to be inattentive, hyperactive, impulsive, and display defiant behaviors.
 
In one study done by UVA found that sleep deprived children are more likely to snore and toss in bed. Test scores were also worse compared to children who did get enough sleep. The level of impairment in sleep deprived children was comparable to children who had been exposed to lead.

Some scientist believe that sleep apnea as an infant or toddler significantly raised the chances of the child developing ADHD. Additionally, some believe that sleep disorders in young children may be a direct cause of some ADHD cases.

What parents should do:

consistent sleep schedules, even on weekends
keep sleep stealer's out of room (ex. TV, cell phones, computers,)
Finish eating 2-3 hours before bed time
establish a bedtime routine
avoid caffeine close to bedtime
make sleep a priority
talk to the child's pediatrician (under Dr supervision many parents have seen improvements with certain vitamins or a melatonin supplements.)

Conclusion/Personal Thoughts

The lack of sleep can become a vicious cycle. Sleep deprived children can still display symptoms well into the next day which can cause additional sleep problems. One thing that worked for me was the lights out method. This means that all lights, TVs, music players, computers, cell phones, EVERYTHING needs to be turned off and everybody needs to be in bed. If the child cries or complains, it's ok. I personally did not ignore my daughter when she cried but I also didn't turn on any lights or even say anything. I just sat down or laid down with her until she fell asleep. Eventually I was able to get to my bed faster each week.

Honestly, I did get resistance from my husband who was annoyed by it. But after much insistence (aka nagging) I got him on board. The temptation of a TV on in another room was too much for my daughter which caused her to stay up so there really was no room for negotiation.





I hope that this helps <3>

Resources/ Reccomondations:

http://kdvr.com/2012/10/16/study-tiny-changes-in-how-much-sleep-kids-get-have-major-impact-on-behavior/
http://www.sleepfoundation.org/article/sleep-topics/adhd-and-sleep
http://www.sleepfoundation.org/article/sleep-topics/children-and-sleep
http://www.newsplex.com/healthwatch/6689447.html
http://www.babysleepsite.com/tag/sleep-study-results/
http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/exchange/node/1690 (Additional links at the end of article)

Discount Life Subscription to Red Apple Reading (Updated 8/2/13)

I just wanted to pass this along.


MammaSource is offering a 77% off deal to a lifetime subscription to Red Apple Reading. It costs $39 for up to three kids ($10 for each child after that.) The recommended ages are 4-7. This expires five days from today (3/26/2013). Here is the link: http://deals.mamasource.com/deals/red-apple-reading?sdtv=a&sl=a&utm_campaign=4202&utm_medium=email&asid=7161584&utm_source=deal_alert



I've seen first hand that learning programs like these really boost a kids learning. My  own daughter has been using an online math program called Reflex and it has done wonders in a very short period of time.

Also try http://theteacherscafe.com/ the learning sites and games here are free (at least the ones I've clicked on) but the quality of the games aren't as good as Reflex, but hey it's free!



*Updated 8/2/13* MammaSource is offering the same deal again and expires in 5 days
http://deals.mamapedia.com/deals/red-apple-reading-july-2013?sdtv=a&sl=a&utm_campaign=4388&utm_medium=email&asid=7161584&utm_source=deal_alert





I am not making any money on this, I just thought this was a good deal and wanted to pass it along.

How To Get Rid of Urine Odor from Carpet

So lately I've had some pee pee trouble. For a multitude of reasons my potty trained 5 year old daughter started to pee in her room. Her reasons ranged from being lazy, upset, and she left a shirt full of food on the bathroom floor that ended up covered in ants so she didn't want to go in there. Mind, we have two bathrooms in the house. Mostly, I think it's because she's upset at me and jealous of her two younger siblings. To top off my pee pee troubles my cat started to pee in her room too. And anyone one who owns a cat knows that cat urine is extremely difficult to get rid of and most commercial products don't nearly work as claimed.

 

 

 

 

So here is how to get rid of urine and the odor from carpet:

 

Since once the pee enters the carpet it actually spreads deep into the padding under neither the carpet so hand held sprays won't work. Both techniques will work for spot treatments, but if you can't pin point the smell then do the entire carpet. I personally use and recommend using both starting with the vinegar first then the baking soda the next day.

 

 

 

Vinegar Mix Cleaner:

 

• In a large bucket mix a 1 to 1 ratio of vinegar and water (boiling hot water is recommend for very stinky carpet.)

• Liberally soak the carpet and let sit for about 10 minutes.

• *Optional* Add any carpet cleaner of you choice (I like to use one with a strong floral smell) using a carpet shampooer. This helps mask the vinegar smell.

• Pick up as much of the mixture as you can with either a carpet shampooer or a wet/dry shop vac.

• Let the room air out. Once the carpet is dry the vinegar smell will go away.

 

 

 

Baking Soda/ Hydrogen Peroxide Mix

 

• Spread baking soda over the entire carpet generously. Break up any clumps by hand and sprinkle over the floor.

 

• Work into fibers with a cleaning brush

 

• Let it sit over night.

 

• Mix 1 teaspoon dish soap (non-bleach) for every 1/2 cup of hydrogen peroxide

 

• Spray or pour over baking soda (you don't need to soak the carpet like with the vinegar mix)

 

• Work it into the carpet using a cleaning brush or toothbrush.

 

• Let it completely dry

 

• Vacuum it up with the upholstery attachment.

 

• *Optional* After I like to spray a light layer of Fabreez for a nice floral sent.

*Warning!* I have no idea why but if you have a roach problem (even a mild one) they might be attracted to the baking soda & hydrogen peroxide mix. So spray the out side of the house completely with a roach repellent so they don't get in. I don't know if it was a one time thing but this did happen once to me when I left a window open over night (I actually saw them crawling through the window to get in!) However, this never before or after. Maybe the neighbors were fumigating? I don't know but I though I should warn you anyway.

 

 

 

Using this really helped. My daughter's room smelled really bad since she would pee at different spots and not say anything. The cat didn't help either.

 

I recommend buying the vinegar, baking soda, and hydrogen peroxide in bulk at either Sam's Club, Costco, or Smart & Final (this one doesn't require membership).

Mommy Tips: Diaper Rash

Need to know what to put on a diaper rash? Of course there is a mountain of creams and powders available but there are also other options that work just as well and sometimes even better. So if either creams aren't working or you don't have any on hand try one of these tried and true tricks.

1.) Cornstarch Baby Powder: For preventive measure I recommend using baby powder that is pure cornstarch. It absorbs well and actually helps heal broken skin. It is important to remember not to pour it into the diapers near the baby. I usually pour a little it into an open diaper before changing the baby. If you don't have the baby powder version plain old regular pure cornstarch will do.

BUT if the baby has a yeast infection the rash will get worse. If it does get worse try using an anti fungal cream a.k.a. jock itch cream (no joke) with an active ingredient of miconazole. This is what my doctor recommend and is available over the counter. If it doesn't start working with in 1-2 days take your kid to their pediatrician. Here is what a yeast infection looks like on a baby (don't worry it is not graphic and doesn't show a baby's private area, it just shows a patch of skin) scroll down to see the picture.


2.) Water Instead of Wipes: After having my third baby a nurse recommended to clean the baby's bottom in the sink instead of using wipes. A baby's bottom is sensitive, especially after birth and baby wipes can actually cause irritation. After rinsing the baby's bottom just pat dry, put on any creams if necessarily and put on a fresh diaper. Do this until the irritation does away. If your comfortable handling the baby you can bring her right to the sink and rinse her bottom with luke warm water. If you're not comfortable doing this then either use a squirt bottle or a warm wet wash cloth.

3.) Go Nude: For persistent painful diaper rash it is best for a baby not to wear a diaper at all. Let the baby's bottom soak in shallow warm water. If the baby still has an umbilical cord just take extra care not to get it wet by keeping the water shallow and place a dry wash cloth on top to prevent it from getting wet. After letting the baby soak for a few minutes then allow the baby to stay bottomless. To prevent a mess use a water proof baby mat with a soft blanket.

4.) Cloth Diapers: If you need to place some sort of diaper then use a cloth diaper. The fancier ones are easier to put on but more expensive. The plain white basic cloth diapers work just as well without the water proof cover. Just remember to place the baby on top of a water-proof mat or thick blanket if you don't end up buying the water proof cover. To see a video on how to put on a cloth diaper click here. This is a great video that shows how to put on different types of cloth diapers. Keep in mind that a baby can still get diaper rash with a cloth diaper. But when a diaper rash is sensitive to the touch I have found that a cloth diaper helps.

5.) Baking Soda: Give your baby a soak in shallow water mixed baking soda. I haven't tried this one but so many moms swear by it that it is worth a try. The amount of baking soda needed will vary depending on whom you ask but most recommend using a generous amount.

6.) Limit the fruit! There are foods that cause diaper rash. Too much fruit, especially citrus, can pass through the intestines not completely digested and cause irritation. If the baby is old enough, keep giving her fruit, just cut back a little and change the diaper more often.

7.) Breast Milk: Again, this isn't something I have tried but many women swear that breast milk cures diaper rash. They recommend that you lather the breast milk on the irritated area after diaper changes.

If the diaper rash doesn't go away consult the baby's pediatrician to rule out a possible infection.

52 Week Challenge - Week 2: Small Pantry

Now I am in week two of my organize home challenge. I have a small pantry that I keep 'locked' (I'm renting so I use bungee cords so my kids can't get in). I do recommend keeping some sort of locked cabinet for strictly adult, work, or school foods. My two and five year-olds have no self-control when it comes to some things and so do many other kids their age. So I don't run out by the end of the week I keep sodas, coffee, Snapple and my daughter's juice drinks for school on lock down. I also keep all my baking items and stuff that needs to be put in containers in there as well (rice, beans, etc.). On the lower section I have all the baking stuff and the upper shelf has all the work/school stuff.

I've also set to organize my cleaning supplies cabinet that it located above it that it out of reach. I am slighty ashamed at how many empty spray bottle I had up there. So from now on I'm only buying the large gallon size cleaner so I can just reuse the spray bottles.

*Tip* I actually place all my cleaners on a highest cabinet. I know many people place the cleaners in the cabinets under the sink but I think that idea should be rethought. It makes it too easy for young kids to get into. Child safety locks can sometimes be misleading. So far my two oldest children have found a way around every single type I have bought so far. It's better to be safe than sorry.

52 week challenge: Week 1 - Pantry

So as part of my goal to actually organize my house I'm starting the 52 week challenge. For the first few weeks I am going to work around the kitchen area since that is what my husband complains about the most. I don't blame him. I have a VERY bad habit of putting things just about any where and claim to have 'put it away.' I think this is how the disorganized thing starts with me. Poor hubby, he is the organized one. So between the kids and me not putting things back where the should, he didn't stand a chance.

So this week I'm starting with organizing pantry. As of now I'm almost finished. I've even mapped out a plan on where everything should go. My kitchen pantry has six levels. As of now I'm basing where things go considering on what my kids like to grab and destroy.

The top-level will be cereals and large boxed items. Second juice, powdered drinks, and sweets. Third small boxed items. Forth canned goods. Fifth non-food items like ziplock bags, ect. Sixth fruits, veggies, and anything else healthy. I recycle so I'm reusing some shipping boxes from my online christmas shopping to place on the floor of the pantry. I like to keep a well stocked pantry, so hopefully it will stay nice and tidy.


Just some tips ...

My two-year old son  and my five-year old daughter like to grab food when they want. They have developed a habit of snacking all day. They get it from their Mommy. So in a very easy no effort way to get them to eat a little healthier, only healthy food will be with in reaching distance from now on.

I got this idea from one of my favorite people ever. Her name was Jennie, she was a foster parent to many children. They would often praise her for getting kids to lose weight and become healthier. She never put them on a diet and really let them eat whatever they wanted when they wanted. The catch? Only healthy foods in the house. She would always buy unhealthy snacks, but very limited. So once it was gone, it was gone. She only shopped once a week so usually all the sweet processed foods were gone with in the first couple of days.

I would really recommend this tip to anyone who wants to lose weight. I'm not saying don't buy unhealthy foods, just buy less. Then replace the rest of the amount you would have bought with stuff from the fruit & veggie section of the grocery store. This tip, however, only really works if you do most of your own cooking and eat out only two times a week or less. There is a lot of recipes online that include videos. Don't forget YouTube, I've been able to find great recipes on there too!


Wishing you all a very happy new year,

Vanessa